Thank you for saying this out loud. The number of women who are convinced that they have depression, late diagnosed ADHD or autism especially as they hit perimenopause is astounding. It’s easier to medicate than to acknowledge that familial and societal pressures are unsustainable.
I would love to know another other side of the story. How many of your patients walk out after hearing the truth and how many stay? What are their stories as they come to realize the truth of the situation and how they recover?
Interesting question.. and possibly I will write about this. I can't recall anyone ever walking out because of my style. Generally speaking I build a relationship with somebody and earn some trust prior to the bluntness you just read. I am generally good at reading the person in front of me. I find most people want radical honesty and know in their heart and soul when truth is acknowledged. More people are drawn to this than repel it. With that said... for some the mere mention that a psychiatric label is not a legitimate medical condition, that drugs do not cure said illness and that they are responsible for their actions has indeed lead to people choosing not to work with me. Some have lashed out. Even people who have never met me will post a negative google review for me or my center- believing they are righteous advocates for the "mentally ill" and my advocacy work suggests I am some crazy lunatic. The attachment to these labels are real. There are many people who prefer the illusion and I am certainly not the right person for them. In today's day and age most people research ahead of time and become exposed to my work and online presence- therefore I am more prone to receive people who desire to work with me... rather than somebody who become aware of me during our first session.
I saw a chronically depressed person in my neighbourhood. She looked like Winnie the Pooh’s Eeyore. I said ‘having a rough patch?’ Yes, she was. I said ‘Okay, do one thing for me please. Walk happy.’ Walk happy? ‘Yeah walk by me. Stick your boobies out. Walk like you’re a sexy teen ager. Wiggle your bum when you walk by me’. She said ‘yeah right. Like I am a sexy teen.’ She was about 60. But she did. She was laughing. I said ‘for one week, walk happy. Shoulders back. Walk loose. Wiggle a bit. She said she would try it. A week or so later she saw me in town. She held her hand up and said ‘wait there’. I stopped. She walked by me like she was a sexy woman. She said ‘this is ridiculous! Not all. But about 80% of my depression goes when I Walk Happy. Maybe more, maybe 90%.’ I said ‘most of depression, and pain too, is our reaction to a low feeling, or a painful feeling. I have watched people in pain, hunched over and limping. I say Walk Happy. Most of their pain goes away. Not all. If there is something actually hurt that remains. But that usually is a painful feeling in one spot. It is the response to the pain that causes most of it.’
Thank you for this article. As a retired psychologist, I found some medications helped with the transition needed to become able to start doing the difficult work of developing discipline and resilience. That is different from what I often saw. A family doc prescribing medication after 15 minutes and never even referring to therapy. People spending their entire lives on an unneeded drug. ADHD and neurodivergence are just different ways of viewing the world and successfully coping with it. Now, our society has such a narrow view of “normal” most everyone is abnormal. And don’t get me started on Seasonal Affective Disorder. Responding to the natural world is a disorder!
But ADHD, and "neurodivergence," as it is now referred to, can also be legitimately disabling and crippling (not always literally, but functionally) conditions that require treatment. As a psychologist myself I would no more casually tell someone they have "neurodivergence" because they struggle cognitively or emotionally, than I would tell someone with a legitimate autism diagnosis who was struggling that it was "just a different way of looking at things." These conditions are nuanced and literally on a spectrum of severity and I think as a culture we have become far too blithe toward both situations.
I would never have done that either. But I would talk about what gifts they bring with their different perspective and discuss how their way of being in the world interferes with getting what they want. Just as I would with anytime else
I know a holistic psychologist who says ADD is Attachment Deficit Disorder from a lack of Attachment Parenting - I imagine when the baby or child’s brain was at a crucial stage of development, something I am not well versed in, but it makes sense to me.
My eldest adult daughter who has a degree in architecture and a masters in fine arts (excellent student in all she studies) claims she has ADD. She watches TV after work and on weekends until she falls asleep, as she scrolls on her phone. I told her what she has is a result of her screen time. When she was in high school I made her and her siblings leave their electronics outside the playroom door at bedtime and would often find her with her laptop under her pillow in the middle of the night on social media. These devices are wreaking havoc on people’s brains.
They were given laptops in fourth grade at the preparatory school she attended. All their classwork and homework was done on it. So that was 10 hours a day. Then she discovered MySpace.
It’s all about social engineering. She’s 35 now so this was 25 years ago. Her younger sister knows how to moderate her screen time. This one does not. She’s addicted to it as is most of the population, from what I can tell.
Thank you. I was diagnosed with ADHD in my 60’s. I’ve had it my whole life but learned to cope by giving my brain a place to jump around—my journal. Then I’d go back and make something. And walking and practicing still prayer has been very healing. I took FB off my phone. When I check in it seems increasingly toxic. Substack with the notes feature may be headed that way. I am still hooked on my phone…there are too many good articles…but am working on it
Ah yes! It’s easier on the brain. I opened FB the other day and first thing I saw was a dead horse and their owner. Sigh. We used to have control over notifications we want.
I can't say precisely when it happened, but my Facebook now has morphed into ads, "suggested posts," and all kinds of random stuff. I literally have to go to a FB friend's page to see what they are posting. You'd think I would see, first and foremost, posts from my friends on my page. Nope.
This post is so important. The problem is that it's easier to let something external (condition, doctors, society) justify your lack of personal responsability rather than to see yourself with an infinite growth potential.
As a therapist for the last 25 years, it has been both heartbreaking and frustrating to watch how these chemical companies have been so masterful at eliminating any personal responsibility whatsoever. And thus, any hope that people will grow, evolve, and improve their lives. I am feeling completely burned out by this phenomenon and like you, I can’t keep my mouth shut either. Thank you, Roger.
Really interesting post. It does feel like this is all about the money - if you’re just a person (asshole or otherwise) who is broadly ok with yourself and your life, it’s annoyingly difficult for capitalism to monetise you. Whereas as soon as you have a label and a treatment plan - boom - plenty of cash to be made from your misery and the shareholders and investing pension funds of the world can be happy! Genuine disorders do of course need diagnosis and treatment, but the proliferation of things allegedly wrong with us all is worrying.
OMG. That opening section ! I actually realized the same after 5 years of therapy and 2 years of mindfulness meditation.
Sure Real bad parenting and a PTSD childhood experiences.
When I realized that people in the sangha groaned when I entered the room, I almost cried. My presence caused others pain. At that point I became determined to not be who I was. I gave up therapy because I had been given sll the tools needed, I never did do medication for anger or anxiety out lf stibborness and the 12 steps, I doubled down on meditation and buddhist view. Within 2 years people were so happy when I entered a room and it still floors me to hear, " Hey Peter's here" in an appreciative tone.
My brain literally was altered because my mind didn't feed anger and perceived humiliation when things didn't go my way.
I recommend Sharon Begleys book:
Change your mind change your brain. For an explanation of how that happens.
Well said as always. I’m surrounded by people with “mental health issues “ treated with the medication that not surprisingly has not really changed their “issues “ for the better. I started running as a young teen and figured out that movement the silence and discipline that accompanies it never failed to help me figure things out calm anxiety and be able to work thru the discomfort that is life. In other words I became resilient and responsible for myself and behavior.
I live in a country where school therapists and teachers scramble to "diagnose" kids - schools receive sizeable subsidies for children with special needs. and learning disorders.
Most children are very well versed in the DSM5 ( though they are barely able to read.) and can self-diagnose anything from ADHD, ASD, OCD, ODD, depression and anxiety. I won't even mention the parents who all seem to be in competition with each other for the "Most-Labeled/ Learning Disabled Kid" trophy.
Yes, not to mention pathologising normal variations in ability. “Dyscalculia”? Oh, you mean bad at maths, which some members of any population will be, and that is fine.
Aha! Now I know the name for this illness that has plagued me my whole life! I have Dyscalculia. It's not my fault I'm in my 70's and still don't know all my times tables.
I have made hard copies of this well described issue that I will share far and wide and I am a prescriber who constantly gets push back from patients and staff alike. So pleased to see this piece. Thank you!
Good points about the psychopathological classification of every dysfunctional affect and behavior. It may be only a matter of time before a new diagnostic code is created for those who Wonder Why Everything Is A Psychiatric Disorder Now; also for those like myself who comment compulsively on posts they enjoy.
Doc, if you ever have the chance to talk to a Roman Catholic priest, that conversation is very, very normal. Multiple times a day (from both men and women) they will hear 'Father please help me - I am an asshole and want to stop.'
Thank you. This chimes with what I've been thinking increasingly for years. I'm 68. My daughter, 44, recently told me that I probably have ADHD! Her evidence? That I use typical "ADHD coping mechanisms" . Such as setting an alarm for 15 minutes when there is cleaning needed and I dont feel like doing it.. I blitz the place then reward myself with a cup of tea! No, not a coping mechanism, just a solution I evolved for myself over decades of busy family and working life! Another aspect of course is I don't read about these disorders in the Bible. I read about" sin" . God forgives "sin". He doesn't forgive random collections of letters! Brilliant article. Thank you
Fantastic! As someone who is studying clinical mental health counseling, I can see the way in which our field contributes to this. Sadly, my program has barely taught us how to challenge those victimization narratives
This is really a refreshing perspective doc. It confirms what I myself have gone through, via the hands of the psychiatric industry complex. Today I'm free from all the shrink pills and also the myriad classifications and yes I know now most of it was because I was an ignorant asshole!
Thank you for saying this out loud. The number of women who are convinced that they have depression, late diagnosed ADHD or autism especially as they hit perimenopause is astounding. It’s easier to medicate than to acknowledge that familial and societal pressures are unsustainable.
I would love to know another other side of the story. How many of your patients walk out after hearing the truth and how many stay? What are their stories as they come to realize the truth of the situation and how they recover?
Interesting question.. and possibly I will write about this. I can't recall anyone ever walking out because of my style. Generally speaking I build a relationship with somebody and earn some trust prior to the bluntness you just read. I am generally good at reading the person in front of me. I find most people want radical honesty and know in their heart and soul when truth is acknowledged. More people are drawn to this than repel it. With that said... for some the mere mention that a psychiatric label is not a legitimate medical condition, that drugs do not cure said illness and that they are responsible for their actions has indeed lead to people choosing not to work with me. Some have lashed out. Even people who have never met me will post a negative google review for me or my center- believing they are righteous advocates for the "mentally ill" and my advocacy work suggests I am some crazy lunatic. The attachment to these labels are real. There are many people who prefer the illusion and I am certainly not the right person for them. In today's day and age most people research ahead of time and become exposed to my work and online presence- therefore I am more prone to receive people who desire to work with me... rather than somebody who become aware of me during our first session.
Thank you for doing what you do. I've grown cynical about the psychiatric profession. Reading this has given me hope
I saw a chronically depressed person in my neighbourhood. She looked like Winnie the Pooh’s Eeyore. I said ‘having a rough patch?’ Yes, she was. I said ‘Okay, do one thing for me please. Walk happy.’ Walk happy? ‘Yeah walk by me. Stick your boobies out. Walk like you’re a sexy teen ager. Wiggle your bum when you walk by me’. She said ‘yeah right. Like I am a sexy teen.’ She was about 60. But she did. She was laughing. I said ‘for one week, walk happy. Shoulders back. Walk loose. Wiggle a bit. She said she would try it. A week or so later she saw me in town. She held her hand up and said ‘wait there’. I stopped. She walked by me like she was a sexy woman. She said ‘this is ridiculous! Not all. But about 80% of my depression goes when I Walk Happy. Maybe more, maybe 90%.’ I said ‘most of depression, and pain too, is our reaction to a low feeling, or a painful feeling. I have watched people in pain, hunched over and limping. I say Walk Happy. Most of their pain goes away. Not all. If there is something actually hurt that remains. But that usually is a painful feeling in one spot. It is the response to the pain that causes most of it.’
Thank you for this article. As a retired psychologist, I found some medications helped with the transition needed to become able to start doing the difficult work of developing discipline and resilience. That is different from what I often saw. A family doc prescribing medication after 15 minutes and never even referring to therapy. People spending their entire lives on an unneeded drug. ADHD and neurodivergence are just different ways of viewing the world and successfully coping with it. Now, our society has such a narrow view of “normal” most everyone is abnormal. And don’t get me started on Seasonal Affective Disorder. Responding to the natural world is a disorder!
But ADHD, and "neurodivergence," as it is now referred to, can also be legitimately disabling and crippling (not always literally, but functionally) conditions that require treatment. As a psychologist myself I would no more casually tell someone they have "neurodivergence" because they struggle cognitively or emotionally, than I would tell someone with a legitimate autism diagnosis who was struggling that it was "just a different way of looking at things." These conditions are nuanced and literally on a spectrum of severity and I think as a culture we have become far too blithe toward both situations.
I would never have done that either. But I would talk about what gifts they bring with their different perspective and discuss how their way of being in the world interferes with getting what they want. Just as I would with anytime else
But using a light box reset my rhythms in a good way.
Yes, me too. We have to live in our society. Doesn’t mean it’s a disorder
True.
I know a holistic psychologist who says ADD is Attachment Deficit Disorder from a lack of Attachment Parenting - I imagine when the baby or child’s brain was at a crucial stage of development, something I am not well versed in, but it makes sense to me.
My eldest adult daughter who has a degree in architecture and a masters in fine arts (excellent student in all she studies) claims she has ADD. She watches TV after work and on weekends until she falls asleep, as she scrolls on her phone. I told her what she has is a result of her screen time. When she was in high school I made her and her siblings leave their electronics outside the playroom door at bedtime and would often find her with her laptop under her pillow in the middle of the night on social media. These devices are wreaking havoc on people’s brains.
But why did she feel the need to be subsumed in the screens in the first place?
They were given laptops in fourth grade at the preparatory school she attended. All their classwork and homework was done on it. So that was 10 hours a day. Then she discovered MySpace.
It’s all about social engineering. She’s 35 now so this was 25 years ago. Her younger sister knows how to moderate her screen time. This one does not. She’s addicted to it as is most of the population, from what I can tell.
Thank you. I was diagnosed with ADHD in my 60’s. I’ve had it my whole life but learned to cope by giving my brain a place to jump around—my journal. Then I’d go back and make something. And walking and practicing still prayer has been very healing. I took FB off my phone. When I check in it seems increasingly toxic. Substack with the notes feature may be headed that way. I am still hooked on my phone…there are too many good articles…but am working on it
At least we are learning something instead of stalking people 😹.
Not sure I follow your comment?
FB is basically stalking people and substack is articles about topics that we learn from.
Ah yes! It’s easier on the brain. I opened FB the other day and first thing I saw was a dead horse and their owner. Sigh. We used to have control over notifications we want.
I can't say precisely when it happened, but my Facebook now has morphed into ads, "suggested posts," and all kinds of random stuff. I literally have to go to a FB friend's page to see what they are posting. You'd think I would see, first and foremost, posts from my friends on my page. Nope.
This post is so important. The problem is that it's easier to let something external (condition, doctors, society) justify your lack of personal responsability rather than to see yourself with an infinite growth potential.
As a therapist for the last 25 years, it has been both heartbreaking and frustrating to watch how these chemical companies have been so masterful at eliminating any personal responsibility whatsoever. And thus, any hope that people will grow, evolve, and improve their lives. I am feeling completely burned out by this phenomenon and like you, I can’t keep my mouth shut either. Thank you, Roger.
Really interesting post. It does feel like this is all about the money - if you’re just a person (asshole or otherwise) who is broadly ok with yourself and your life, it’s annoyingly difficult for capitalism to monetise you. Whereas as soon as you have a label and a treatment plan - boom - plenty of cash to be made from your misery and the shareholders and investing pension funds of the world can be happy! Genuine disorders do of course need diagnosis and treatment, but the proliferation of things allegedly wrong with us all is worrying.
OMG. That opening section ! I actually realized the same after 5 years of therapy and 2 years of mindfulness meditation.
Sure Real bad parenting and a PTSD childhood experiences.
When I realized that people in the sangha groaned when I entered the room, I almost cried. My presence caused others pain. At that point I became determined to not be who I was. I gave up therapy because I had been given sll the tools needed, I never did do medication for anger or anxiety out lf stibborness and the 12 steps, I doubled down on meditation and buddhist view. Within 2 years people were so happy when I entered a room and it still floors me to hear, " Hey Peter's here" in an appreciative tone.
My brain literally was altered because my mind didn't feed anger and perceived humiliation when things didn't go my way.
I recommend Sharon Begleys book:
Change your mind change your brain. For an explanation of how that happens.
Well said as always. I’m surrounded by people with “mental health issues “ treated with the medication that not surprisingly has not really changed their “issues “ for the better. I started running as a young teen and figured out that movement the silence and discipline that accompanies it never failed to help me figure things out calm anxiety and be able to work thru the discomfort that is life. In other words I became resilient and responsible for myself and behavior.
Very interesting post.
I live in a country where school therapists and teachers scramble to "diagnose" kids - schools receive sizeable subsidies for children with special needs. and learning disorders.
Most children are very well versed in the DSM5 ( though they are barely able to read.) and can self-diagnose anything from ADHD, ASD, OCD, ODD, depression and anxiety. I won't even mention the parents who all seem to be in competition with each other for the "Most-Labeled/ Learning Disabled Kid" trophy.
Yes, not to mention pathologising normal variations in ability. “Dyscalculia”? Oh, you mean bad at maths, which some members of any population will be, and that is fine.
Aha! Now I know the name for this illness that has plagued me my whole life! I have Dyscalculia. It's not my fault I'm in my 70's and still don't know all my times tables.
Oh yes! I had forgotten that one!
I have made hard copies of this well described issue that I will share far and wide and I am a prescriber who constantly gets push back from patients and staff alike. So pleased to see this piece. Thank you!
Fascinating - all part of a larger trend in society to shift responsibility for one's own actions.
Good points about the psychopathological classification of every dysfunctional affect and behavior. It may be only a matter of time before a new diagnostic code is created for those who Wonder Why Everything Is A Psychiatric Disorder Now; also for those like myself who comment compulsively on posts they enjoy.
Label resistance disorder will be in DSM-6! 😆
Another excellent post, Roger. Thank you, and keep them coming. 🙏
Well done that man.
Doc, if you ever have the chance to talk to a Roman Catholic priest, that conversation is very, very normal. Multiple times a day (from both men and women) they will hear 'Father please help me - I am an asshole and want to stop.'
Thank you. This chimes with what I've been thinking increasingly for years. I'm 68. My daughter, 44, recently told me that I probably have ADHD! Her evidence? That I use typical "ADHD coping mechanisms" . Such as setting an alarm for 15 minutes when there is cleaning needed and I dont feel like doing it.. I blitz the place then reward myself with a cup of tea! No, not a coping mechanism, just a solution I evolved for myself over decades of busy family and working life! Another aspect of course is I don't read about these disorders in the Bible. I read about" sin" . God forgives "sin". He doesn't forgive random collections of letters! Brilliant article. Thank you
Fantastic! As someone who is studying clinical mental health counseling, I can see the way in which our field contributes to this. Sadly, my program has barely taught us how to challenge those victimization narratives
This is really a refreshing perspective doc. It confirms what I myself have gone through, via the hands of the psychiatric industry complex. Today I'm free from all the shrink pills and also the myriad classifications and yes I know now most of it was because I was an ignorant asshole!
Love never fails 🌾